“biarkan aku sendiri” is a one of the Malay novel title. but surely have connection with me if I bring the topic here.
I just came back after going for dinner with someone. someone who admitted that he likes me since 2004. at the 1st stage, I avoiding myself when we discuss about our relationship. I always told him that I can’t accept him more than a friends and he deserved to be my ‘abang angkat’ only. last week we went to Genting, since then I keep thinking.. why not if I try to reveal my heart to him. I know him long time ago and till now he still single. when we hang out today, I still didn’t tell him anything. scared if one day my heart turn off for him! ah.. I don’t wanna make any mistake again. let it be what they want to be.
Around 11pm, my-ex names aidi fazly called (refresh him here n here). I know, its him even I didn’t save his number. he ask me for a dinner someday. I just laughing and say, “are you nut? don’t you know our situation now?”. he sigh, “I know but I can’t stop thinking bout you. I just want to meet you while we having a dinner and talk anything”. I laugh again even my heart really hurt as what he done to me, “I don’t think so. you already have a girlfriend. ask her not me”. it’s the best reason to avoid him for asking me again and again. then he send me a message. “I always remember you. Miss your hug and kisses.”
Why eli? why you should remind me the thing that you have done to me. you never treat me well. till 8 years I never betray my heart to you. but you are the jerk who breaking of our relationship. should i suppose to remember you? please.. leave me alone.
I cried to release the pain. I’m crying so many night. have to ignore the pain and lead my life to the better one. I could do that, I know. eli, ‘abang angkat’ nor anyone else; can’t help me to love them. it takes time to fill the emptiness. hard to love cause I rely to carried the emptiness.. forever.
